True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
