we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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