My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
