I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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