his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
