you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
