That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
