I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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