can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
