if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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