life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize