You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
