You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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