Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
