no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
