I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
