He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
