youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
