doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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