my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
