Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
