i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
