absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
