Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
