if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
