I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
