Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
