Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
