You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
time to smoke my breakfast
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
