sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Randomize
