I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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