Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
