i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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