Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
