I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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