The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
