i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
