My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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