the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
