Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.