Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can