Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.