Only a mothe r could love this liver
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
