There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.