But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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