Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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