you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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