I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
