I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
