she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
