hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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