well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
