We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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