people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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