I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
