just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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