I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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