went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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