Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
