I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
