WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
