after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
