Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
