I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
