The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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