Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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