She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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