They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize