I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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