i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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