nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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