Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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