You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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