I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
