I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
